he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
