Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
