I will die if light touches me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are we still banned from the library?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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