I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
