He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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