did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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