when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
