just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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