Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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