Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
