come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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