new low.... made out with someone while peeing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You made out with two different species that night
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
