found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
