these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
