all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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