There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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