you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
