I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
