what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
