My first STD was from a foam party
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The air was thick with penises
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
