I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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