no you cant smoke seaweed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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