i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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