I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
