Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
