Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize