you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
