He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
