he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
