Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
