He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
