we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
