I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
