he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
organizing the empties. That sober.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
