i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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