i think my tv is drunk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
