I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
