My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
