I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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