you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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