The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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