she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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