i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
