As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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