my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
there was a trapeze. enough said
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
