are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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