The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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