Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
