she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
