Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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