He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
