If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
