Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize