Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
