I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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