Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
