he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
