can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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