im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize