walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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