dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
