ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
