he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dignity is for republicans.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
